Grief and Loss
Loss is an inevitable part of life. However, in Western culture, we are not typically prepared for loss, even when we know it’s coming. Some losses seem to have small ripple effects in our lives, while others feel like tidal waves crashing down in our lives.
Grief is a reaction to any loss in our life. Bereavement is a type of grief based on the death of a loved one. Persistent complex bereavement is debilitating bereavement that doesn’t improve over time. This is a form of complicated grief where the emotions are debilitating and long-lasting; it feels like recovery isn’t an option and the path to resuming your life is lost.
Grief and bereavement come with an array of emotions, such as guilt, shame, sadness, fear, and anger. There is no clear path through the grief process, and at times it can be confusing. Some may feel sadness for the loss of a loved one who lived with cancer, and yet relief that they are no longer suffering. Some may struggle with their grief for a family member with whom they had a challenging relationship. Some might grieve for the loss of their identity (when someone loses their job and is unemployed for an extended period of time) or their hopes, goals, and desires (to be a parent but they learn they are infertile).
Signs and Symptoms of Grief and Loss
Even though the loss may be unique to you, there are some commonalities in how we deal with it. Some common signs and symptoms of grief are:
Intense sadness and emotional pain
Rumination over the loss
Feeling hopeless or that life is meaningless
Focus on reminders of the loss or avoidance of reminders
Difficulty accepting the loss
Numbness or detachment
Bitterness about the loss
Focus on the circumstances of the loss
Lack of trust in others or detachment from others
Inability to enjoy life
Inability to think back on positive experiences
Isolation and withdrawal from social activities
Reduced sense of identity
Complicated grief might also include:
Trouble carrying out normal routines
Depression, deep sadness, guilt, or self-blame
Belief that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death or loss
Feel life isn't worth living without your loved one
Wish you had died along with your loved one
Everyone grieves differently. Some grieve for a short period of time while others grieve for years. Some intuitively grieve, meaning they want to share their feelings and experiences with others, while others instrumentally grieve, meaning they want to problem-solve and contain their emotions. While there is no “right way” to cope with loss, it doesn’t have to be done alone. We are built for relationship, and when we suffer the loss of a meaningful connection in our lives, often the most supportive aspect in processing our grief is that of relationship, especially the therapeutic one.
Types of Grief and Loss
We work with unexpected loss, traumatic loss, and expected loss.
Even when we know death is approaching, it still feels sudden. However, there is a difference between expected loss and unexpected/traumatic loss.
Expected losses are due to old age and terminal illness, where we see a steady decline in vitality and loss of mental and physical functions. They are often private, at home or in hospitals/hospice. Family and friends may be by the loved one’s side.
Unexpected and/or traumatic losses are sudden, out of the blue, accidental, and/or violent, or graphic. They can be public, such as a fatal car accident or plane crash that is covered by the news. They can be due to acts of nature such as a tornado or a sudden health event such as cardiac arrest in an otherwise healthy person. They can be the result of a hate crime, other intentional violence, or due to the completion of suicide. Traumatic loss can also include climbing/alpine accidents or sport-related accidents. Unexpected loss can also include the dismantling of a family, of relationship, of a career, or something that causes a radical shift in our sense or self or identity when we least expect it.
Grief and Loss Therapy: What To Expect
Dealing with loss is difficult, whether it’s due to death, an illness diagnosis, a breakup, a move, or another life event. Adjusting to a new reality is challenging. It may require developing new skills, new routines, new plans, new support networks, and even a new sense of identity.
We offer culturally sensitive grief support as you navigate the uncharted waters of the life cycle, as you explore the meaning of life and loss, as you explore your own mortality and purpose, and as you develop a new reality. We offer a relational and somatic therapeutic approach that may also include existential therapy and nature-based therapy. Together, we will co-create an approach that is unique to your situation, your grief process, and your goals for wellness. There is no “right” way to grieve, and in therapy there is no judgment about your experience or your needs. In addition to individual therapy, we offer grief couples counseling and grief therapy groups.
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