Our sympathetic nervous system is the part of our nervous system that mobilizes us into action. If our nervous system detects a threat, whether it is real or perceived, it will trigger our fight/flight/freeze/faint response. If there isn’t a real threat, and we do not need these protective mechanisms, then we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of our nervous system that calms us down. Communication is one of many tools that can be used to do this. Here are some tips for using communication to calm the sympathetic nervous system.

As we grow up, we learn through explicit and implicit messages that there are parts of ourselves that are loved, embraced, and accepted by others. For example, the people-pleasing part that wants to help and make others happy earns praise and positive rewards. The good child may earn privileges, an extra helping of dessert, signs of affection and love, or even a few moments of peace in an otherwise turbulent household. These parts can live in the “light” or are welcome in our public lives. We can show the world these parts of ourselves without shame or fear of negative reactions.

In the recent decades as research on trauma and its impact on our mind, body and spirit have made its way to the forefront of counseling psychology it has also opened up curiosity around resilience and healing. From this curiosity has emerged new insights on what researchers have termed Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). Post-traumatic growth refers to the positive psychological changes that are experienced as a result of challenging and adverse circumstances.

Mindfulness meditation can help improve chronic pain by improving emotional and attentional self-regulation. Mindfulness meditation can help reduce pain and the emotional effects of chronic pain by creating functional and structural changes in the brain as neuroplasticity becomes a hot topic in the world of chronic pain management. Through mindfulness meditation, one can use cognitive self-regulation to help modulate pain and emotion. The three components in mindfulness meditation that contribute to pain relief and the emotional experience of pain are improved self-awareness, attention control, and improved emotional regulation.

I have two gardens on my property. One is in a greenhouse. It is filled with tomatoes, squashes, and cucumbers. These plants grow tall. The zucchini and cucumbers climb and in such a tight space they need something to climb up. So I provide latticing for them to curl their reaching tendrils around. As they grow, their outstretched tendrils pull them higher up the wall. For the most part, they don’t need additional tending past the first bit to help guide them to the lattice wall. Once they attach they will climb as high as they can, reaching and growing towards the sun, and they will produce their edible delights.

Solstices provide an excellent time to reflect on all these experiences. They invite us to reflect on our past journey, celebrate our successes, and mourn our losses. The solstice is a time to explore the present moment, to examine the current situation for what works, what feels healthy, and what feeds the soul. They also invite us to explore what isn’t working, what isn’t healthy, and what dampens the soul. They are a wonderful opportunity to create new intentions for moving forward and to shed that which no longer serves us.

This has been a big year for not only our country but also our world. We have witnessed a global pandemic resulting in millions of deaths. We have witnessed unnecessary deaths on video in front of our very eyes, ongoing mass public shootings, riots, and we have watched our loved ones suffering and going through their own struggles. Through all of this, we are also trying to maintain our own physical and mental health.

Codependency is when one person self-sacrifices in order to meet the needs of another. Codependent relationships are unbalanced and unhealthy. Unconsciously, the codependent person is trying to save the other person from themselves, trying to “cure” a partner or parent of their addiction or abusive behaviors, or the codependent person is trying to get the other person to behave/respond in a certain way so that the codependent person can feel ok.

Transition and change are an inevitable part of life, yet so many of us recoil from, frantically run towards, or hold on too long to the status quo in vain attempts to assert control over a reality that is quite simply, uncontrollable. Specifically, we attempt to not feel the uncomfortable feelings associated with change. I’m interested in how we as humans navigate transitions, why we develop the patterns we do along the way and methods of freeing ourselves from those that are no longer serving us.

As adults, we often consciously seek partners to love us the ways our parents couldn’t, and yet we often find ourselves back in similar relationships, repeating the same patterns of our childhood families. The irony of this is not lost. And in fact, it can be not only perplexing as to why this continues to happen but is downright upsetting. I mean, no one goes out looking for a physically or emotionally abusive partner. Yet many times someone will go (unknowingly) from one abusive relationship to the next. It’s not like someone actively looks for a partner who has a substance use problem or addiction. And yet they may go from one relationship to the next with someone who is addicted or has a troubled relationship with substances. And the truth is, this happens in many different types of relationships, and we repeat the pattern over and over again.

Patriarchy is a politically loaded term that often gets misinterpreted, so I prefer referring to it as The Order of Unbalanced-Masculinity. The essence of this imbalance is that we are detached from our emotional selves, from our community, and from our spirit (however you define it). As technology continues its meteoric advancement, its application will be determined by the conscience of those who fund and develop it. Currently, this by and large means men, and guys, we are overwhelmingly stuck in emotional adolescence. If we are to avoid killing ourselves or creating some sort of dystopian nightmare (beyond what we’re already living), then men, we have a lot of work to do.

The mass shooting that took place in Boulder, Colorado on March 22, 2021 was horrific. In these early hours of the aftermath, many of us are experiencing shock, grief, fear, and rage. Our community is feeling the effects of terror and many are wondering how to respond and what to do. With that in mind, here are 5 things you can do now to tend to your mental and emotional health, which will lay the groundwork for your own healing and also allow you to respond effectively to those around you.

Spring Equinox, March 20th 2021, marks the end of winter and the beginning of spring. It is a time where we celebrate coming out of the darkness, out of scarcity, out the harsh cold stillness of winter, and into the light, into dreams of summer growth and fall abundance. It is a time where we wake from the deep sleep of winter, crawl out of our dens, and stretch into the sunlight that falls upon our faces - waking us to the possibilities that may come.

When we find ourselves lost in conflict with others (or with ourselves), and trying but unable to navigate the discord, we must identify the role(s) we are embodying in the conflict, and take 100% responsibility for assuming those positions. The motivation behind all of us stepping into these roles is power. Human beings need to experience a sense of power or agency (ability to affect change in one’s life), but when we don’t know how to access power in a healthy way, we will grasp for it anywhere we can. Thus, the birth of the Drama Triangle and the Victim, Villain, and Hero roles.

This is part one of a series on relationships.

We are wired to connect with each other. We yearn not just for human connection but to feel love and a sense of belonging in this world. In fact, love and belonging are part of our most basic needs; they are one of the five levels of basic needs on Maslow’s hierarchy.

Some years ago, I was walking along a sparsely visited trail outside of Evergreen, Colorado, and my appreciation for the beauty of the environment was in full effect. My mind drifted from thoughts of gratitude for the “aliveness” of this place to the wonderful insights gained during the previous weekend's meditation retreat. I specifically chose this location because I wanted to be solitarily immersed in the grandeur of Nature and to hear what She had to say.

While stress can be good in small doses and helps us evolve as a species, anxiety is chronic, can inhibit us from growth, and limits our ability to live our fullest lives. In other words, anxiety often makes our world smaller. We fear what might come (anxiety) rather than what is currently happening (stress). In this blog post we will discuss the link between Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and anxiety as well as the physiological impact anxiety can have on us.

We have four seasonal markers each year: Spring Equinox, Summer Solstice, Fall Equinox, and Winter Solstice. These seasonal markers have long traditions that range from logistical (preparing food, migration, and farming for the season ahead) to spiritual (celebration of coming light, birthing season, abundant harvest). Regardless of how you think of these seasonal markers of change - or if you think of them at all - they influenced our ancestors greatly and they are a wonderful time for us to explore our own lives.

We recently had a blog series that discussed the connection between adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and depression, upper limits, and how these early experiences may limit our ability to experience happiness as an adult. This blog series explores anxiety, discusses the connection between ACES and anxiety, and explores how these early experiences might impact us as adults. This blog breaks down the difference between stress and anxiety and offers tips for supportive practices that may help alleviate the impact of mounting stress or chronic anxiety.

We are transitioning into another season - fall, and for some, there’s a feeling of the wave coming in. With this transition many find themselves back to peaking anxiety and questioning - how to do the kids’ online school while working, what will the holidays look like this year with COVID, how long will this last, and what happens now that we’re all moving indoors?

This blog post looks at the changing season, and more specifically the fall equinox, as a time of celebration, a time to come inward, and a time to look forward. It offers some prompts that might be helpful to navigate the unknown, to connect to the natural world and our rhythms, and to help us prepare for a healthy fall and winter season as the temperatures drop, and we move inside and slow down.