In part one of this series, we explored how unmet emotional needs in childhood can lead to negative beliefs about the self and manifest as symptoms in adulthood. While understanding the origin of these beliefs is an essential first step, true healing involves undoing the mechanisms that keep us stuck in these patterns. This process often uncovers deeply buried emotions held in the body such as sadness, anger, and/or grief. It is not simply a matter of recognizing our negative beliefs; it requires a deliberate and compassionate journey toward transformation.
The Role of Locus of Control in Childhood
When children’s emotional needs are consistently unmet, they must find ways to adapt. As children view the world through an egocentric lens, they often internalize the belief that they are to blame. This flipping of the locus of control—taking responsibility for the ways in which they are not being met by their caregiver—provides an illusion of control. Believing “It must be my fault” feels safer than accepting the harsh reality that their caregivers may be incapable of meeting their needs.
While this adaptation can be protective in childhood, it becomes a hindrance in adulthood. Undoing this deeply ingrained mechanism is often accompanied by suppressed emotions, including grief for the nurturing that was never received and anger for the burdens placed on a child too young to bear them. These emotions become embedded in both psychological patterns and physical sensations, and requires a healing approach that addressses the whole person, mind and body.
Parts Work:
Reparenting the Inner Child
Parts Work, which includes Internal Family Systems (IFS), Gestalt, Ego State, and Structural therapies, is a powerful interpersonal modality that allows us to address these wounds by connecting with our inner child—the part of us that adopted negative beliefs to survive. In Parts Work, we learn to reparent our inner child by providing the safety, soothing, and validation they lacked in their formative years. You can think of this process as filling in the developmental gaps with the nourishment that was not received.
This process involves:
Acknowledging the Inner Child: Identifying the parts of ourselves that hold these negative beliefs and understanding their protective roles.
Providing What Was Missing: Offering the inner child the compassion, reassurance, and nurturing they needed but did not receive.
Repairing Developmental Gaps: Filling the emotional voids left by unmet needs, helping us build a healthier, more balanced sense of self.
Through this work, we begin to release the emotional burdens our inner child has carried for years, freeing ourselves from the patterns that no longer serve us.
EMDR: Redefining the Narrative of Our Past
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) offers another transformative path to healing. This modality focuses on the memories where we first adopted negative beliefs about ourselves. These memories often feel frozen in time, carrying with them the sensations, and emotions of the moment.
EMDR works by:
Accessing and Reprocessing Memories: Using bilateral stimulation to revisit the memories that hold negative beliefs in a safe and structured way.
Shifting Perspective & Belief: Helping us view these experiences through a new lens, allowing us to see the event with greater clarity and compassion for ourselves.
Releasing Emotional Pain: Processing the grief, anger, and other emotions associated with these memories, so they no longer hold power over us.
By reprocessing these pivotal moments, EMDR enables us to transform our narrative. We are no longer defined by the beliefs we formed in response to unmet needs. Instead, we can integrate these experiences into our lives with a newfound sense of understanding and self-compassion.
Somatic Therapy: Releasing the Body’s Memory
While talk therapy helps us understand our past and reframe our beliefs, somatic therapy recognizes that healing must also happen through the body. Unprocessed emotions such as fear, grief, and anger are often stored in the nervous system and can manifest as physical tension, chronic pain, or dysregulation. Somatic therapy supports clients in safely accessing these bodily-held experiences, allowing for release, integration, and restoration of balance. Techniques such as grounding, breathwork, and tracking sensations help clients reconnect with their bodies, build a felt sense of safety, and move through stuck emotional energy. By including the body in the healing process, somatic therapy bridges the gap between insight and embodied transformation.
Holding Compassion for Symptoms
An essential part of the healing journey is learning to hold compassion for the very symptoms we seek to change. These symptoms often represent adaptive mechanisms that once served to protect us. Research consistently shows that shame is counterproductive to healing; it can reinforce negative beliefs and prevent emotional processing. By approaching our symptoms with understanding and curiosity rather than judgment, we create a space for transformation. Compassion allows us to acknowledge the wisdom behind our survival strategies while gently guiding ourselves toward growth and integration.
Toward Holistic Healing
Healing from the wounds of unmet childhood needs is not a linear journey, nor is it as simple as identifying where things went wrong. It requires deep, intentional work to undo the protective mechanisms we developed and to address the emotions stored in our bodies.
At Evolve In Nature, we integrate modalities like Parts Work and EMDR with somatic therapies to address both the emotional and physical dimensions of healing. These approaches empower clients to release the burdens of their past, redefine their self-beliefs, and build a future rooted in resilience and self-acceptance.
If you are interested in exploring how Parts Work, EMDR, and/or Somatic Therapy can support your healing journey, please reach out. Any one of our therapists would be happy to discuss with you further.