If you've been keeping up with social media or your local community discussions, you may have heard about the growing toll loneliness is taking on us—both as individuals and as a society. Increasingly, people are finding themselves disconnected from others and suffering the psychological and physical consequences. Terms like the “Male Loneliness Epidemic” and the “Gen Z Stare” are becoming common, and though these phrases may seem humorous or flippant, they’re rooted in a very real issue. In fact, former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared a national social disconnection epidemic in 2023, warning that about 50% of American adults are struggling with loneliness. He highlighted that loneliness is linked to higher risks of heart disease, stroke, anxiety, and even premature death.
It’s no surprise, then, that loneliness impacts our health and well-being. As social creatures, we naturally crave connection and meaning. We thrive when we’re surrounded by others who can mirror those values back to us—this is one of the core reasons therapy is so effective.
While addressing the loneliness crisis is essential (resources like The Foundation for Social Connection Action Network and interpersonal psychotherapy can help), I also want to offer an alternative perspective: How can we make the most of our time alone? When we embrace solitude, time alone becomes a source of restoration rather than isolation.
What is Solitude?
In this context, solitude refers to the conscious choice to spend time alone. It’s time we dedicate to being with our thoughts and our body, free from the direct influence of others. While solitude often evokes images of deep spiritual reflection or enlightenment, it doesn't require grand introspection or lofty goals. You don’t need to be seeking transcendence to benefit from solitude today. I want to show how the practice of solitude can be a simple and beneficial choice for you.
So, could it really be that easy? Dr. They-vy Nguyen and Dr. Netta Weinstein, professors, clinical researchers, and authors of Solitude: The Science of Power and Being Alone, certainly think so. They suggest that people most in need of solitude are those dealing with strong negative emotions - like anxiety, stress, and anger. If you think about your own daily experience, you may recognize that these emotions can surface during mundane activities, like driving to work. While our instinct after a tough day, a breakup, or a stressful work situation might be to surround ourselves with others, Drs. Nguyen and Weinstein suggest that we first take time alone. While this may mean missing out on laughs and drinks with your friends, it offers a cruicial opportunity to process our experiences and find a thoughtful way to respond, not just react.
Embracing “Shades of Solitude”
If the idea of spending an hour along sounds unappealing or borning, don’t worry. Research shows that solitude can be even more beneficial when paired with enjoyable activities, like playing a game, going for a walk, or watching a movie by yourself. In this way, you can step into “shades of solitude” without overwhelming your system. You don’ thave to sit in complete silence to reap the benefits - working a puzzle while listening to the sweet sounds of smooth jazz, gives you the space to recharge.
“Shades of solitude” also ties into the final piece of the puzzle: learning to appreciate the time alone, rather than viewing it as something you are forcing yourself to do. Similar to how we approach many tasks in life, our mindset matters. If you enter solitude expecting bordeom or discomfort, you will find it there. However if you can approach it with intentions and openness, though, you are setting yourself up for success.
Simple Tips for Embracing Solitude
Here are three ways to begin integrating solitude into your life:
Set aside time for yourself after experiencing strong negative emotions or when you feel like you need to reset. This along time can help you process and regain your emotional balance.
Avoid total isolation.While solitude can be healing, complete social withdrawal may exacerbate feelings of lonliness. Find a healthy balance.
Clarify your intentions before seeking solitude. Are you looking to ground yourself? Strengthen your relationship with yourself? Or simply to recharge?
How to Use Solitude Effectively
To make solitude effective, here are two real-life scenarios with practical steps:
When you are feeling especially vulnerable and sensitive to other people’s opinions:
Set up: Buy, prepare, listen, or sink into something that reminds you of your worth. This may be making a meal that reminds you of your mother’s warmth, listening to a record by an artist you admire for their confidence, or reading a book on a topic that empowers you.
Intention and Action: Truly acknowledge your pain, feelings, needs, and wants throughout your time alone. For instance, speak to your inner child and be gentle and purposeful towards them, in both your actions and words. Remind them that everything they need to heal already lives within you.
When you are feeling burnt out and need to to recharge:
Set up: Make space and time to separate yourself from your responsibilities and the people or things around you that take energy, instead of providing it. You don’t need to escape to a remote cabin in the woods; it could be as simple as taking a hike or asking for space for the day or night in a part of the house. Again, total isolation may stress out the system. Distance is healthy in this scenario, detaching or distracting is not.
Intention and Action: Truly acknowledge your exhaustion and what parts of you are feeling most affected. Maybe the part of you who loves to solve problems needs a break, or maybe your inner caregiver is asking for a bit of a vacation. Find a way for them to kick their feet up; maybe you’ve wanted to get to the next season of The Great British Baking Show or just need to take deep, slow breaths and allow your body to soften.
Now It’s Your Turn
Consider taking time this week to attune to your need for time alone, not to punish or isolate, but to give back to yourself. You can make small steps and offerings to yourself that recharge, replenish, and renew, and again, you don’t have to be a monk to do it. It can be as simple as finding quiet time amidst the hustle of daily life.
If you’d like to know more about how a therapist could help guide you through your journey with solitude, please reach out to to us and we’d be happy to connect you.
References & Resources
Cambieri, G. (2024, December 8). The importance of connections: Ways to live a longer, healthier life. Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. https://hsph.harvard.edu/news/the-importance-of-connections-ways-to-live-a-longer-healthier-life/ Harva
Hogue, T. (2024, December 18). Research shows solitude is better for your health when it’s not too intense. Oregon State University. https://news.oregonstate.edu/news/research-shows-solitude-better-your-health-when-it%E2%80%99s-not-too-intense
The Foundation for Social Connection Action Network. (n.d.). Homepage. https://www.endsocialisolation.org/
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf